1.  Agree to go live with a TV reporter.  Then slap your hands to your face and scream, “I’m blind!”
  2. Tell the kids if they keep fighting you won’t turn the lights back on.
  3. Tell everyone it’s the fault of George W. Bush.
  4. Make a sacrifice to Baal in an attempt to restore the sun (required for Democrats but optional for Republicans).
  5. Start a bonfire in the sagebrush to get a better view of the event.
  6. Break wind and claim it’s the stranger next to you.
  7. Shout from a bullhorn, “Sinners to the left, saved to the right!”
  8. Tell the kids it’s all because they couldn’t stop begging for candy at the store.
  9. Tell the nearest woman you vowed to lose your virginity before the end times.
  10. Start shouting, “They faked the moon landings, too!”