The Midnight Writer is a freelance writer and contributor to popular websites and magazines. He's written three humor books and often writes while under the influence. Under the influence of what, he will not say.
The Midnight Writer
McDonald’s Getting Rid of Popular Menu Items — Is Your Favorite Getting the Golden Axe?
McDonald's is shaking up its menu. Except, instead of adding a hundred new items as usual, the Golden Arches is giving the golden axe to some crowd favorites.
Kevin Heffernan and Steve Lemme are ‘Fat Man Little Boy’ [INTERVIEW]
Broken Lizard have performed together for over twenty years. First in college, at Colgate University, then in successful feature films like ‘Super Troopers’, ‘BeerFest’ and ‘Club Dread’ and on a massive comedy tour.
I Need a Hobby [Half a Man]
The excruciatingly long, mind-numbing minutes between 8pm and 11pm, all 180 of them, is the worst part of my day.
Vontae Davis Breaks NFL Rule and Blames ‘Hackers’
Vontae Davis of the Indianapolis Colts knows how to play defense. Vontae Davis does not know the rules of the NFL in regard to free agency and tampering, how hacking works, the rules of capitalization and that Twitter has a delete function...
Philadelphia Media Thinks Nnamdi Asomugha is a Bad Teammate For Eating Lunch in His Car
It happens in every sports city during the off season -- first you make a player look bad in the press with tiny little nuggets of nothing passed off as "news" and once he's out of town the "thank god that malcontent is gone" rhetoric continues until another …
Kevin Heffernan of Broken Lizard — ‘There Will Be a “Super Troopers” Sequel’
This week, I had the pleasure of speaking with Kevin Heffernan and Steve Lemme of the comedy group Broken Lizard. Kevin and Steve sat down to discuss their careers, facial hair, which member of the group would be the most edible and their new stand-up special 'Fat Man Little Boy' which hit…
Team Allegedly Asks NFL Combine Prospect if He ‘Likes Girls’
A few days ago, Mike Florio of Pro Football Talk said on the Dan Patrick Show that teams interested in drafting Manti Te'o were concerned if he was gay. Te'o has publicly said he's not, even if people think he does run like a girl. This information was just one more instance…
Jonathan Papelbon — Phillies ‘Lack Leadership’
Jonathan Papelbon came over to the Philadelphia Phillies from a Red Sox team that, at the time, probably had more leaders than actual soldiers. In his time with Philly, Papelbon has been waiting for one of the Phillies to step up and take a vocal role...
Calvin Johnson Broke Receiving Record With Multiple Broken Fingers
Calvin Johnson had a monster season for the Detroit Lions. Forget monster, it was a record-breaking display. Johnson broke something else this season, besides the NFL receiving record -- he broke multiple fingers and still played.
Oscar Pistorius Breaks Down In Court — Officially Charged with Murder of Reeva Steenkamp
Olympic star Oscar Pistorius broke down in tears as he stood before magistrate Desmond Nair. Pistorius is being charged with murder in the shooting death of his girlfriend, model Reeva Steenkamp.
Tedy Bruschi Ranks the NFC East Quarterbacks — Next Segment, He’ll Rank Flavors in Neapoli…
On a gym treadmill this morning, when faced with the Sophie's Choice of watching sports news for the tenth time or Guy Fieri and Rachael Ray cooking with the guy who married Donna Martin from '90210,' I chose the worldwide leader. I honestly try to stay away from ESPN as much as possible, but just l…
Wrestling Cut from 2020 Olympics
The International Olympic Committee voted to drop wrestling from its schedule for the 2020 Games via a secret ballot during a meeting in Switzerland. Instead of eliminating the pentathlon, like many expected, the IOC decided to scrap wrestling.
Hulk Hogan is Tweeting Uncomfortable Photos of Legs Again
Last month, orange-skinned rasslin legend Hulk Hogan tweeted a sexy but awkward photo of his daughter Brooke's legs. He added only the words "Brooke's leg" giving the tweet an overall "psycho listing body parts of his victim" type vibe.
Well, the Hulkster is at it again, this time…
Well, the Hulkster is at it again, this time…
9 Cliches Your Local Sports Writer Will Include In His First Article From Spring Training
"The job of a sports writer isn't easy" claims hundreds of columns I've read over the years. These men watch and write about baseball for a living which sounds like a step above working in a hospice. It must be awful.
Les Miles Had a Lengthy Conversation With Himself on Twitter Last Night
Les Miles is a successful college football coach. Les Miles isn't so great at Twitter. He's got it half right at least, live-tweeting the Lakers and Heat tussle on NBC yesterday.
Guy Fired For Getting in Argument Over Work Printer and Threatening to ‘Shoot Up the Place…
In the heat of argument, people sometimes say some dumb things. For example, I once got in an disagreement with a coworker and told him that I was going to piss in his coffee. I didn't mean to say that. I meant to say "in his desk drawer" but it was all cleared up the next day…
Baltimore Ravens are Super Bowl XLVII Champions
The Baltimore Ravens survived a late 49ers surge, a controversial non-call in the endzone and a 34-minute power outage to win Super Bowl XLVII by a score of 34-31.
Courtney Lenz, Baltimore Ravens Cheerleader, Claims She Wasn’t Included on Super Bowl Trip…
Courtney Lenz, a five year veteran of the Baltimore Ravens cheerleading squad, is claiming the team left her off the trip to the Super Bowl because of her "slight weight gain." Oh deer! Sorry, I meant dear. Force of habit with this squad.
Chris Culliver Pulls the Old ‘Just Kidding’ Card Regarding Anti-Gay Remarks
Chris Culliver, the San Francisco 49ers cornerback who yesterday made some inappropriate remarks about gays on Arti Lange's radio show, is backtracking on those statements with the verbal Get Out Of Jail Free card known as "just kidding."
Dan Marino Admits to Fathering a Love Child With a CBS Production Assistant
Hall of Fame quarterback Dan Marino has something that the other men on the CBS 'The NFL Today' show don't -- a Super Bowl ring a kid out of wedlock.