Commentary: Mike Simpson & Authentic Frontier Gibberish

Have you ever written a member of your Congressional delegation?  Some years ago I wrote a fellow named Mike Castle, then serving in the House, and received a letter designed to insult my intelligence.  These things may just as well open with,

“Dear Constituent: 

Thank you for writing to express your concerns, none of which are mine.  As you know we hear a lot about this issue in Washington.  Many of my colleagues and I believe the solution is perhaps a little bit of this or perhaps even a little bit of that.  This great country was built by the sweat equity of immigrants, many of whom toiled and made my great-grandfather filthy rich.  Getting rich is as American as apple pie.  I also like cherry pie but respect others who don’t and in some cases there are even a few who like pecan pie.  I think you understand as most good Americans surely do that the Constitution even protects those who eat strawberry-rhubarb pie and sometimes have a second slice. 

I hope this letter is of help and if ever again you have a concern please write me and a well-paid staffer with federal benefits will send you a letter about peach cobbler.

Sincerely,

Congressman I. Offen Bedwetter

P.S.  Bedwetter for Idaho 2016 is an entirely separate entity but please remember a response will be more personal if you write me during October of next year!”

I should note within two years I played a major role in retiring Mike Castle, however.  Speaking of Representatives named Mike who believe their public office is their private property, a local fellow shares he wrote his Congressman and expressed concerns about the new Caliphate of Southern Idaho.  The constituent received the following in return:

“Thank you for contacting me regarding U.S. refugee and asylum programs. I appreciate hearing from you and having the opportunity to respond.

The United States has long held to the principle that it will not return a foreign national to a country where his life or freedom would be threatened. This principle is embodied in several provisions of the Immigration and Nationality Act (INA), most notably in provisions defining refugees and asylum-seekers. Aliens seeking asylum must demonstrate a well-founded fear that if returned home, they will be persecuted based upon one of five characteristics: race, religion, nationality, membership in a particular social group, or political opinion.

As you may know, recent media reports have indicated that roughly 300 refugees will be located in College of Southern Idaho's Refugee Center which is consistent with past years incoming refugees. While the exact populations from each country are yet to be determined, it is expected that some refugees from Syria will be among the refugees admitted. The State Department, in cooperation with extensive security screenings from the Department of Homeland Security, is in charge of admitting refugees and locating them in the United States through the Office of Refugee and Resettlement.

Refugees from the Middle East are not new to Idaho. During the 1980's many refugees from Afghanistan we resettled in Idaho and more recently Iraqi refugees have been resettled in Idaho due to the ongoing war. Currently, Syria is undergoing a civil war that has displaced 9 million people from their homes.

Rest assured, I will continue working with the Administration and my colleagues in Congress to oversee this situation and keep your thoughts and concerns in mind.

Once again, thank you for taking the time to contact me about this issue. As your representative in Congress, it is important to me to know your thoughts and opinions about issues affecting our nation today. I also encourage you to visit my website, www.simpson.house.gov, to sign up for my e-newsletter and to read more about my views on a variety of issues.

Sincerely,

Mike Simpson
Member of Congress”

Yes, immigration is a concern for Mike Simpson and when the fromish reached the azimuth and crosses the lindenmuth at dawn then we’ll have a vermouth.  I hope I make myself clear.