Study Reveals That Beach Sand Is Full Of [Expletive]

Most people love the beach. We love swimming in the ocean and feeling the sand in between our toes... But you may change your mind after this nugget of knowledge.

According to Environmental Science & Technology, scientists have found that most beach sand has 100 times more fecal bacteria than the water. And just FYI, "fecal" = "poo."

Apparently, the public has never been alerted to the, uh... disgusting truth, despite the fact that the study is almost a decade old.

The fecal bacteria is a delightful mixture of bird poo, sewage runoff, dirty diapers that aren't disposed of properly, and good ol' human waste. Once the bacteria is in the sand it takes much longer to decay than it does in saltwater.

If you come into contact with enough of the bacteria, you may end up with stomach pains and diarrhea. The only good news about this information is the bacteria won't kill you.

And, in even stranger news, it turns out that white beach sand--like those found in Hawaii--not only contains 100% more fecal bacteria that water, but actually IS fecal material. That's right! Studies confirm that Parrot Fish are responsible for about 70% of all white tropical beach sand.

So the next time your family wants to go to the beach and play in the water, we recommend an alternate destination: your bathroom toilet--which is way more sanitary than the beach.

So the next time you're planning a family trip to the beach, you may want to consider an alternate location: next time you want to take the family to the beach pack lots of hand sanitizer, know that it may actually be more sanitary to go play in your toilet.