Why Idaho is Better Than Montana, Chapter Two

Of course, Idaho is the hands-down winner.  All the self-centered, crooked, and bloodthirsty ranchers are on the Montana side of the state line.  I know this because I saw it on the Paramount Network.  And most of Montana is simply cheatgrass and insects.  At one roadside toilet on Interstate 15, signs warn you of rattlesnakes.  The brochures never mentioned this when I decided to vacation in the Big Sky State.  The only reason I go there is that nobody knows me, whereas.  In Idaho, people lock their doors when they see me coming.  Oh, and Montana also has Jon Tester.  What do you expect of a man who gets his hair cut by a union barber?  Heck, Jim Risch doesn’t even need a barber.

Ever notice that in Montana they don’t know their alphabet very well?  They got to B when it came to naming cities and pretty much stopped there.  I will give Montana an edge when it comes to traffic jams.  My uncle, Gary Bastian, once landed a plane on Interstate 90.  He was having engine problems in his vintage plane and the highway was one big empty landing strip.

As for Idaho, this is where I collect a paycheck.  We also have at least one real city.  I admit it’s increasingly filled with jerks and liberals, but you can still see a lot of really nice things there.  Like a blue football field, which has also been used for emergency landings by geese.  They left the field a mess but without nearly as much of a mess as those guys who last visited from Provo.

You can find really great Basque food in Boise.

I will give Montana two advantages.  Glacier National Park and Flathead Lake are wonderful!  But you also have places like Shelby.  I mean, it makes Dietrich look nice.