Observations of an Idaho Shock Jock, Part 3.5
Radio wasn’t my first career choice.
They were always angry when I ran into the end zone where I would strike a Heisman pose
As a boy I dreamed of a football career. I was also nearsighted and slow. My teammates didn’t offer encouragement. They were always angry when I ran into the end zone where I would strike a Heisman pose. I wasn’t a ball carrier. It well may be what set them off. One year we won just two games and another year we only scored four touchdowns. I guess they just got sick of my game antics.
Then I considered a career as a hockey player. It looked fun and the cheering crowds were intoxicating. Then someone explained before you could play you needed to learn how to skate. Bummer! Today I could sue for discrimination but in those earlier times the only snowflakes were the ones falling on the pond.
School teaching looked promising. Summers off and everyone calls you “Mister”. Just like my teachers called me “Mr. Colley!” in their booming voices. To have such respect at 15-years-old, well. It gives a guy an inflated image of himself. The thing is, my plans to discipline students by grabbing their ankles and dangling them from windows was frowned upon by administrators. Is it any wonder test scores are so poor!
Broadcasting didn’t look like hard work but TV Teleprompters were a roadblock. With one eye focused on the script and the other eye looking at the studio lights viewers found themselves struggling with vertigo on their couches.
Then this talk radio thing came along and you don’t need a script. And just in case you forget where you are and talk like your parents did, there is a “dump button”. People call me and ask all sorts of advice. It’s amusing as I’m a terrible investor, have made numerous career choices best described as, “What the heck were you thinking!” and my family and love lives are non-existent.
Then every day I look at the headlines I’ll be talking about and realize I look downright prescient compared to the rest of the people on the planet. And I get a paycheck for bitching, making mocking voices and by calling other people names. This is a dream job!