Why California is a Dirty Word in Idaho

They have Oakland and we have Pocatello.  Though, dying in Pocatello is redundant to paraphrase an old stage show.  They try to ban guns, we give them out as gifts at baby showers.  They commute for three hours each way, half that time is spent idling.  We commute for 59 minutes and only stop to pick up roadkill for dinner.  They have high-speed chases and we have retirees who never drive above 15 miles per hour.

We eat what we grow, they smoke what they grow.  We spend weekends fishing.  They get weekend furloughs.

They’ve got Gavin Newsom.  We’ve got Brad Little.  Okay, we’ll call it a draw.  They’ve got Maxine Waters and we’ve got Mike Simpson.  At least we never see him!

They’ve got two mediocre football teams in one city.  We’ve got two mediocre football teams in two cities.

They eat at swanky French restaurants.  We eat beef we raised on our own and invite all the neighbors to share.  They don’t know their neighbors.  We know ours even if we don’t like the ones who came from there.  We know who our dads are.  They know Dad could be one of many neighbors, but once more don’t know their neighbors.

We speak English and they don’t.

We ride horses and they prefer a Tesla.  One waits in long lines for a charge.  The other charges are in exchange for a few oats.

We have a town that’s the center of the universe.  They’re stoned out of this world.

We plant potatoes in the dirt.  They pave over dirt wherever possible.

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