Benefits of California Falling Into the Ocean

With no California transplants left to move out of state, housing costs will plummet and the natives of Idaho will be able to finally afford a home.

The beachfront property will finally be available in Reno, and likely without nearly as many regulations and the required permits.

With no 49ers fans left, nobody will have a broken heart in January and February.

With the new artificial reefs, the sea creatures will see populations rebound.

After the big one, there won’t be anyone having any additional mudslides.

Cal Berkeley will be a historical footnote.

The Tourons of Yellowstone page will lose its content.

I won’t have to see Adam Schiff on TV anymore.

49 other states will now have to grow their own weed.

With Gavin Newsom off the market, sales of hair gel will drop by 83 percent.

Insufferable speeches from the Academy Awards will be a distant memory.

No other city will have to suffer with the A’s, because there won’t be any baseball team to move.

Being stuck in Lodi will require flippers and an oxygen tank.

Kamala Harris will have nowhere to go when she’s unemployed in January.

Summer driving in Idaho will be easier (aside from the jerks from Utah cutting you off!)

America’s welfare rolls will be reduced by half.

You won't need 38 separate translation books to understand what those people are saying.

You’ll need to fly across the country to New Jersey if you still want to see some weirdos.

You won’t be forced to wade through feces when you visit cities now underwater.

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