Another Absurdist Shopping Excursion

I needed cat food and I got a surrealist trip into modern America.  This morning I read Walmart stores would be limiting customers at any given time.  There’s concern people aren’t keeping a safe social distance.  As many of us have witnessed as we buy groceries, it’s quite common to see strangers French-kissing in produce.  We don’t dare say what happens in the meat department!

I was at a store Friday and estimated a quarter of the shoppers were wearing masks.  It wasn’t quite the same at Walmart Saturday, although.  A fellow was walking around with a bandana covering the lower half of his face.  He was topped by a cowboy hat.  I’m told a bandana will suffice but does he do his banking in the same get-up?   

There was a woman masked and gloved and wearing some sort of blue plastic over her body.  No one was French-kissing the woman in the tarp.

I came across a cracker display and I do believe the name sums up America in the spring of 2020.  I bought a bag in hopes of keeping my sanity.

When I made it to the cat food aisle I spent some time waiting at a safe distance.  There was a woman standing in the spot I wanted and she was taking her time staring at her options.  She was masked.  I wasn’t.  I can’t find any masks available.  Instead I’ll ramp up my garlic consumption and hope it drives people away.  Or I’ll skip showering.  It’s not like I was physically close to anyone before all this began!

There’s a scene in a Marx Brothers film where a woman asks Groucho to hold her closer.  “If I held you any closer, I’d be in back of you,” he replies.  I wonder what a wit like Groucho would make of our plight.  He survived while a sibling died in infancy.  He survived Two World Wars, the Spanish Flu and the Great Depression.  And a few divorces.

Leaving, I noticed a young man standing outside and counting customers.  He was masked but wasn’t wearing a coat.  It was 28 degrees.  I guess he missed the memo on frostbite.