Children’s TV for the Politically Correct

In an effort to address changing mores the Corporation for Public Broadcasting will now have Bert and Ernie sharing a bed.  Oscar the Grouch will also get a new bunk and be moved from his garbage can.

His bullying nature will land him in Rikers Island Prison (also in keeping with the show’s New York centric theme).  Oscar will learn lessons about fear and abuse as he daily flees the showers.

Some old programs are being revived for a more “woke” young audience.  The New Adventures of Kukla, Stan and Mollie will address gender confusion.

Charlie Brown nemesis Lucy, now grown and known as Walt, will be getting a new show on MSNBC.  He’ll host panel discussions with Peppermint Patrick.  Network executives see it as appealing to confused Baby Boomers (the only generation with disposable income).

Cecelia the Seasick Sea Serpent will be offered as well on Saturday mornings on parent network NBC.  In the opening episode when the sea sickness is diagnosed as morning sickness, Cecelia will show the children a visit to Planned Parenthood is a healthy and pleasurable experience.

In the following time slot, a buff Fred Flintstone will make healthy eating choices and be forced to make a painful decision between Wilma and Barney.

Batman, having lost interest in his now adult youthful ward, will finally consummate his feelings for Catwoman.  The pair will raise children in the Bat Cave.  Laughter ensues when Alfred refuses to clean the litter box!

June Cleaver will again utter the dirtiest words ever heard on television (don’t ask) and insist Ward help with dishes or she’s leaving!  Ward becomes aware of his toxic masculinity and suggests June become the breadwinner.  She agrees, fires misogynist Fred Rutherford and gets wealthy by taking the firm public.  Beaver and Eddie get married but must come to grips with a Christian wedding photographer.  In a spin off we follow their odyssey through America’s court system.