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This isn’t how you go about squeezing the Charmin.  Police in one Oregon town have grown tired of 9-1-1 calls from people distraught when they can’t find toilet paper.  You can read the department’s post on Facebook below.

First, I doubt police have a roll to spare.  They’ve got the same functions as everyone else.

unlike Sheriff Taylor in Mayberry, they wouldn’t even have the time for delivering chicken soup

Number two, Oregon has been a state hard hit by coronavirus.  Law enforcement is working in some situations where its men and women could be exposed.  And unlike Sheriff Taylor in Mayberry, they wouldn’t even have the time for delivering chicken soup.

We’ve all heard stories about strange 9-1-1 calls.  Some angry diner doesn’t get ketchup on a burger and wants police to mediate, however.  This is the first story where I’ve seen two methods of stupidity combined.  A stupid rush for hoarding toilet paper combined with a stupid telephone call.  You might expect this from some large city back east but it really does drive home there are idiots no matter where you live.

On a positive note, the manufacturers of toilet paper say there isn’t a shortage and they’re always making more.  It’s also a product almost exclusively made and packaged in the United States.

I’ve got a couple of really old rolls at home.  A friend serving in the Army brought them to a radio station where I was working some 15 years back.  Osama bin Laden’s likeness is on each sheet.  If you were desperate enough you could reward me handsomely, although.  If you’re so dang dumb as to call the cops when you find an empty shelf, you’ll probably cower in fear at the likeness of a long dead terrorist.