- Agree to go live with a TV reporter. Then slap your hands to your face and scream, “I’m blind!”
- Tell the kids if they keep fighting you won’t turn the lights back on.
- Tell everyone it’s the fault of George W. Bush.
- Make a sacrifice to Baal in an attempt to restore the sun (required for Democrats but optional for Republicans).
- Start a bonfire in the sagebrush to get a better view of the event.
- Break wind and claim it’s the stranger next to you.
- Shout from a bullhorn, “Sinners to the left, saved to the right!”
- Tell the kids it’s all because they couldn’t stop begging for candy at the store.
- Tell the nearest woman you vowed to lose your virginity before the end times.
- Start shouting, “They faked the moon landings, too!”
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